That
makes me realize that we may not have prepared our men enough for marriage, to
help them understand what measure of blessings are poured down on the man who
chooses to take the bull by the horn and trust God enough to go into this
institution that has been ordained by God himself.
I am yet
to see anyone who consulted God before getting married, and didn’t pull through
despite all the lessons that we learn on the way which gives us room to grow
up.
I can
understand some of the reasons why men don’t want to marry these days, but the
one I find strange is when I discover that some men don’t actually want to get
married because they are ashamed and very uncomfortable about the size of their
penis.
One of
the texts I have been bombarded with lately says “Dear sir, can small Penis
satisfy a woman with big buttocks? How many inches is long, and what do you
consider as short. You may flash me and I will call you so you can tell me”.
I later
found out he has not tried to get close to anything called marriage because he
thought he will be ridiculed for the rest of his life. What do you make of
that? Meanwhile I will like to take you through some of the reasons why some
men don’t get married.
1.
They can get sex without marriage more easily than in time past.
A lot of
men realize now that they can get sex more easily than in times past, when
women insisted in getting married before sex. I am a man and I can tell you
that a lot of women have lost it when it comes to keeping themselves whole.
I am not
so sure who is more promiscuous these days anymore, because it seems women
offer sex like no man’s business
this time around. There are women now who are sleeping with about 4 men at the
same time and probably accommodate more if they can.
When
women come to me to tell me how their husband was caught in Adultery, and seek
my opinion as per if they should leave him, I always reassure them that most
men who commit adultery these days, don’t go out looking for these ladies, but
that the ladies seem to be everywhere making themselves available and have
removed the fun
we men use to have chasing them, since they are just there not to be chased but
to be taken and dropped.
When men
realize that they can have all the sex they want without getting married, they
just don’t see the point GETTING MARRIED.
2. They
can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabiting rather than marrying.
I believe
it must have come to your attention now that a lot men and women are living
together now without being married to each other. It came to my own attention
through my counseling sessions.
By the
time I ask the lady or man where the husband or wife will be right now, they go
like “actually Jerome, I think there is one more thing you need to know and
that is we are not legally married, but are just living together”.
Now that
blows my mind, because you are not legally married, you are living together and
also have a child or two, in Africa, yes in Africa!
I know
some of these starts on Campus where a lot of girls are just not staying in
their hostels,
but have moved in with their boyfriends who probably have a room at the BQ of
the lecturer’s Quarters on Campus or in their rented apartment in town, and
most of their school mates consider it acceptable.
Please
note that this is also happening amongst those who profess to be religious on
Campus as well. So continuing in that way of life isn’t a problem later. How do
you expect these men to consider getting married when they have found a short
cut to it?
3. They
want to avoid divorced and its financial risks.
The rate
of divorce is on the increase and lot of financial implication to go with it.
So the guys figure out why marry if it can cost you more than having a family
and catering for them at the end.
4. They
want to wait until they are older to have children.
Most men
today don’t express “burning desire” for children, saying they are not ready yet.
Another factor may be at play, “They know they will have to be there equally
with a wife and provide hands-on child care.”
5. They
fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromise.
Most of
the time you will realize that a man just wants a wife “to look good, provide
great sex, join in his recreational activities and tell him he is wonderful,
while the Women’s requirements are much broader.” They want affection.
They want
to feel loved. They want a great conversationalist, a man who is funny, a good
father for their kids, someone who is attractive, a good sexual partner, a man
who is ambitious and successful and God fearing.
And most
men are simply not” all these things. For them to do this, a lot changes may be
required which some men are not just ready for.
6. They
are waiting for the perfect soul mate and she hasn’t yet appeared.
Let me
describe a SOUL MATE using what D.H. Lawrence said; “You are the Call and I am
the Answer. You are the Wish, and I the Fulfillment. You are the Night, and I
the Day.
What
else? It is perfect enough. It is complete. You and I.” What I realize
here is that you may never find a compliment until you are capable of
complimenting. Most of the time, we are looking for someone who will compliment
us without the intention of complimenting anyone.
I guess
we may wait for a perfect soul mate forever until we change our attitude and go
out to look for someone to compliment.
7.
They face few social pressures to marry.
Men face
few social pressures to marry compared to what the females have to face. So at
the end of the day, they don’t think it’s a big deal after all. One reason
young men balk at marriage is “they don’t yet get it”, the problem is they just
don’t realize what is in it for them.
We have
not done a good job of selling marriage to men. They don’t know all the good
things that will change their lives. Married men are healthier than single men,
wealthier, they live longer and happier lives, they have more sex, they have
somebody who knows them, and tolerates them anyway.
8. They
are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children.
Most of
the time single men are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children for
a lot of reasons and one of them being that his family will object to it, the
other reason could be that he begins to wonder how many men she has been with
and abortions she has had before being forced to have the child with her now,
and yet another reason can be that, he is not sure he will be comfortable with
her having any form of contact with the father or fathers of the child/children
when he is married to her.
Men feel
this way forgetting that they can be worse when we talk in terms of morality.
It’s more of the case of the pot calling the kettle black. Unfortunately they
get away with it, because no one is holding them to ransom.
9. They
want to own a house before they get a wife.
So some
men say, but it’s just another way to avoid becoming a responsible person. What
a lot of men may not realize is that marriage is a vision that is bigger than
who they are and all they have to do is give themselves to it with the Almighty
God as a witness and then begin building together with their wives as they
obtain favor from the Lord.
Men have
to realize that when we are children age 0-11 we have privileges, then from age
12-21 we retain our privileges through responsibilities e.g. if you want to
take your father’s car out, be ready to refill the tank after using up the fuel
in it otherwise, don’t ask for it the next day since you are not ready to be
responsible.
Then from
age 21- what we have left is responsibilities, and a lot of us fear that, I
mean being responsible. So you find a lot of irresponsible men out there, who
can change if we start to prepare our younger generation for the real life out
there.
10. They
want to enjoy single life as long as they can.
Well,
some people just don’t want to grow up, do they?
By Jerome
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